Practicalities
Typhoon Season Is Not a Mistake, It Is a Trade
Around twenty tropical storms a year and a coastline pointed the wrong way. July to October is a gamble, and the smart way to play it is to not bet the trip on it.
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Practicalities
Three Months of Thai Lessons Is Nothing and Everybody Is Surprised
The gap between knowing the tones and being able to hold a conversation is about two hundred hours, and a school can compress it, but not as much as the marketing says.
Practicalities
The Jet Ski Damage Scam Is a Whole Industry and Knowing It Is Free
The jet ski is not damaged. You are on a beach where the only drink costs a thousand baht and a towel deposit you will never see again. Here is the whole system.
Street Food
Pad Kra Pao and Som Tam Are Not Dishes, They Are Decisions
The two things every Thai orders every day are a question about your week and a question about your stomach, and you only have to answer them correctly once.
Street Food
Thai Breakfast Is Four Dishes and None of Them Are Eggs on Toast
Jok, khao man gai, kai luak, sai kua. Four things a Thai eats every single morning, all of them within a hundred metres of each other, and all of them better than your hotel breakfast.
Islands & Beaches
The Coast North of Hua Hin Is the Best Part of the Gulf and Nobody Stops
Ninety kilometres past Hua Hin the coast turns to limestone, the hotels stop, and a province that is four hours from Bangkok goes back to being a place people live.
Visas & Immigration
You Cannot Get an Education Visa for Something You Do Not Attend
The cheapest legal long-term stay in Thailand needs a real school, real attendance and a real curriculum, and immigration actually checks. Here is what has to be true.
Islands & Beaches
The Similans Have a Fixed Opening Date and It Is Not a Suggestion
Eleven islands, nine of them open, a hard closure every May, and a rule that no beginner course is allowed inside the park. Here is how the system actually works.
Money & Costs
Bargaining in Thailand Is Fine and Haggling With Women Selling Food Is Not
The rules are simple, consistent, and almost nobody outside the country knows them. Getting them wrong costs you money or costs you a relationship.
Practicalities
There Is a Police Force in Thailand Whose Entire Job Is Tourists
Dial 1155 and you reach a police force that speaks your language, is not part of the chain of command you are imagining, and will actually turn up.
Practicalities
The Kids Do Not Need a Holiday Planned and Neither Do You
A country organised around a village model, a food culture that feeds children constantly, and a heat that dictates the entire day. Thailand is easier with kids than most people expect.
Visas & Immigration
The Pink Card Is Not a Visa and Everyone Thinks It Is
It does not let you stay in the country, it does not let you work, and it does not let you vote. It does let you open a bank account, and that is the whole reason to get one.